


Something Just Past the Border of Friendship

by KabiViolet



Series: Elizabeth Shepard [5]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: And you know there's some angst in there, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, I mean who are we kidding - I wrote this, Longing, Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-25 06:53:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KabiViolet/pseuds/KabiViolet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would never look at her that way. He barely even saw her now. He would never speak to her in those hushed tones. He was oblivious to what he could not have and similarly oblivious to what he could. One was forever out of reach and one was practically begging for him to even notice her.</p><p>But that was her lot. And she had accepted it. Now she would go to bed and everything would look better in the morning.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>This is a one-shot story about Ashley. And Kaidan. And Garrus. And Shepard. </p><p>Set during ME1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Just Past the Border of Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> Just a drabble I've had rolling around in my head. The story is stand alone, but if you have read Hero Worship, this piece fits after the Dr. Saleon encounter in Chapter 13 of Part 1 and before the team lands on Virmire.
> 
>  
> 
> All characters belong to Bioware and thanks for its continued support in the realm of fanfiction.

When the elevator door to the cargo hold slid open with a hiss, Ashley nearly jumped out of her skin. She was grateful she wasn't the only one. Out of the corner of her eye, she could tell that the late night visitor to this deck had startled the only other occupant. She stifled a chuckle as she watched Garrus rub his forehead  where he had bumped it against the Mako when he stood too quickly to see who was intruding on their solitude.

Ashley had grown to like Garrus. They had almost become friends, and before joining the team of the Normandy, Ashley would not have expected to make friends with a turian. But Garrus was different. It probably had something to do with the speech he usually made about "not being a good turian," but regardless, the grey-plated turian was one alien she didn't mind sharing work space with.

She raised her arm in response to the Commander as the woman made her way over to Garrus's station. Ashley couldn't help the grin that crossed her face as she watched Garrus's mandibles flicker when he realized Shepard was here to see him. In some ways, Ashley absolutely loved her work station's position - in perfect view of the awkward yet endearing spectacle she witnessed every time the Commander made "rounds."

But with Garrus, it was never just rounds. Ashley knew it, but Garrus didn't seem to notice. Or maybe he did know, but if he did, Ashley was clueless why he hadn't made a move yet. Or why Shepard hadn't made a move. Or why either of them wouldn't just _do_ something about it already.

When her omni-tool pinged, she remembered one of the more probable reasons.

 

_2329 KA: Hey, Ash. Is Shepard down there? I can't find her in her cabin._

 

Ashley sighed and rolled her eyes.

 

_2330 AW: Yeah, she's down here. Making her last visit for rounds with Garrus. You could just come down here and see for yourself instead of bugging me about it all the time. Or...novel idea, you could come visit me just to say hi._

 

Maybe she had divulged a bit too much with that message, but she was tired of it. Kaidan cared deeply for Shepard. Everyone knew it. Shepard knew it. But for whatever reason, Shepard just wasn't that into him. Occasionally she made small hints that she _might_ be interested, but clearly not as much as Alenko. And clearly not as much as she was interested in her turian officer.

Ashley was frustrated with the situation, but she instantly felt ashamed of the harshness of her message.

 _Too late to take it back_ , she thought with a small shrug and turned back to the weapons she was cleaning before she was interrupted, keeping an eye on the entertaining display by the Mako. Shepard was laughing now and leaning back against the vehicle. Garrus was telling some sort of exciting C-Sec story or military adventure, as he often did, and Shepard's face was positively glowing as she listened.

Part of her ached for the two of them. She didn't know what was standing in their way, but whatever it was, she hoped they both got over it fast.

The elevator door hissed open again. Ashley looked to her left and had to refrain from rolling her eyes again. She didn't have to try too hard though because she found it difficult to tear her eyes away, even momentarily, from the man striding toward her.

"Hey, Ash," Kaidan said as he reached her and leaned against her desk, trying to look like he was talking to her when he was clearly here to see Shepard.

"Hey," she replied curtly, turning back to her work and keeping her head down, her heart starting to race with - with...what? Anger? Frustration? Anxiety? Nervousness?

All of the above?

"How long has she been down here?"

 _Always with questions about Shepard. Never with anything to say to_ -

"Ten minutes maybe," she said, biting her lip.

"You're right, you know," Kaidan said, suddenly turning to face her. Ashley looked up, surprised.

"About?" she asked, unable to stop a smile when his warm, honey eyes rested on her. She crossed her arms and tried to maintain her composure as her heart beat faster.

"I should come down here more often, just to see you."

She felt the color rush to her cheeks. She _had_ revealed too much.

 _Cover it_ , she thought frantically as she laughed nervously and punched Kaidan lightly on the arm.

"You know I was just teasing you, Alenko," she said. "You can bug me whenever you want."

She meant it. Even if he never paid her any attention, he could bug her. He was everything she had ever wanted...he just wasn't interested in _her_. He was loyal, honest, kind, strong...Ashley knew she had found her ideal the moment she met him. She knew she would always respond to his questions and dutifully forward him reports about the Commander's whereabouts. And even if he never cared one lick for her other than as her friend, she knew she was helpless as soon as he opened his mouth with that soothing voice or smiled at her with those gorgeous eyes.

The sigh that escaped her was louder than she intended as she turned back to her work and Kaidan resumed his previous pose.

"She's absolutely amazing, isn't she?" she heard him ask and Ashley gritted her teeth. Shepard _was_ amazing. They had become close recently and Ashley was glad - Shepard was smart and fun and a loyal friend once she _was_ your friend. Ashley actually felt like she could finally call Commander Shepard her friend.

"Yeah, she is," she said quietly, not looking up from her table, "but I don't think you mean the same thing I do."

Kaidan chuckled and said, "Probably not. Am I that obvious?"

"No," Ashley said sarcastically, "only as obvious as a crying baby in church."

"I don't go to church, Ash."

"Neither does Shepard, so you're golden there."

"Very funny."

Silence again. Ashley finished the last weapon she had planned on cleaning, but Kaidan still hadn't moved. Even though she knew she wasn't the object of his affections, she enjoyed his company. She would stay until he decided to leave.

She turned to watch Shepard and Garrus again. Now Shepard was the one telling a story and Garrus was listening. His hands were covered in muck from the Mako and while he listened, he cleaned them, but Ashley knew he was still paying avid attention to his commander. Each flick of his mandibles was perfectly timed to the inflections in Shepard's voice as she spoke. And each time he looked up from cleaning, Ashley could just imagine what those eyes looked like - receptive and adoring.

"You know, if you actually talk to me, it wouldn't seem so obvious why you're down here," she teased. "Just a thought."

"Yeah, I think I'm probably gonna turn in," Kaidan replied and Ashley's heart sank. "Could you do me a favor?"

_Anything..._

"Sure," she replied.

"If you're still going to be here for a while, just send me a message when she's done talking to Garrus," Kaidan said as he pushed off the table and stood up straight.

 _Why do you do this to yourself, Kaidan?_ Ashley thought. _Don't you see what's going on over there? Don't you see what's going on_ right here _?_

She would admit that Shepard's attraction to Garrus had been a surprise. Ashley didn't understand the appeal of a turian, but what she _did_ get was the admiration and respect Shepard had for Vakarian. He was a fantastic soldier and a wicked shot. But Kaidan...he didn't seem to really _see_ what was going on between the two of them.

"Ash?..."

"Yeah, sure," she shook her head and turned back to her table.

"Did I do something?..."

"No, I'm fine. Just getting tired, but..." she picked up a weapon she had already cleaned and started cleaning it again, "I've still got some work to do. I'll stay and let you know when she leaves."

"You work too hard, Williams," Kaidan added, and then he did something unexpected. He completely ignored the scene to his right and put his hand on Ashley's shoulder. She tried to quiet her pounding heart. "You should get some rest. Don't stay up on my account."

"I won't," Ashley replied, a little too quickly. She hoped Kaidan didn't notice she was leaning into his hand. The warmth emanating from his strong grip was slowly spreading from her shoulder to her arms, neck, chest...

She wanted more. So much more.

Her eyes quickly lighted on the pair by the Mako and then she remembered. She would never have more. She would never even have _that -_ whatever _that_ was.

Then Kaidan released her.

"See you tomorrow, Williams," Kaidan smiled and  turned to the elevator. Ashley's shoulders sagged. Everything was ready for the day's work ahead - or for whatever they would encounter on Virmire. But she had made Kaidan a promise and she would keep it. For him. Even if he never appreciated it. Even if he never knew how she -

Laughter behind her made her spin around. Ashley couldn't stop herself from smiling as she heard the sound again. Commander Elizabeth Shepard's laugh was not something that was often heard and now that Ashley understood the woman better, she was happy to hear it. It was good to see her friend relax. Shepard was always so uptight, but the one person who could really get her to let loose was the alien standing by the Mako - the turian C-Sec Officer, Garrus Vakarian.

Kaidan's exit had clearly increased the level of comfort between the two. Shepard was now sitting on the work table where Garrus placed some of his tools with her legs swinging. Her smile was bright and Garrus's eyes were even brighter than Shepard's smile.

Ashley was glad that somehow two people who made each other look like _that -_ that indescribable, mutual _glow_ \- had somehow found one another on a crazy mission across the galaxy.

 _That_ was love. Love of the purest kind. Ashley longed for it. More than she had words to say.

Suddenly the voices were softer. Ashley almost blushed even though she knew that neither Shepard nor Garrus would do anything private while she was still a witness to their gathering. But something about the conversation had changed and almost immediately, Ashley felt like an intruder.

She was going to have to break her promise to Kaidan. She couldn't watch anymore. She couldn't view this scene of something just past the border of friendship without her heart strings threatening to rip apart inside her.

He would never look at her that way. He barely even saw her now. He would never speak to her in those hushed tones. He was oblivious to what he could not have and similarly oblivious to what he could. One was forever out of reach and one was practically begging for him to even notice her.

But that was her lot. And she had accepted it. Now she would go to bed and everything would look better in the morning.

"Good night, Ash," she heard Shepard call as she walked past the pair on her way to the elevator. Ashley smiled and took one last look at the commander and her turian before pressing the button for the crew deck. He was _still_ watching her - his blue eyes never leaving his Commander's face, even as she was bidding Ashley good night.

But eventually, Garrus _did_ break his stare and smile at her as well.

"Night, Williams," he said, inclining his head.

"Night, Garrus. Commander." And with that, the elevator door closed.

 

_0015 AW: I failed. Can't keep my eyes open anymore. Headed to bed. Sorry._

_0015 KA: You didn't fail. Thanks for trying. You're the best, Ash._

 

The best.

She was the best. Next to Shepard.

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'd, but work has been crazy stressful and chaotic. I just had to write something. Now I feel a little better. I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!


End file.
